Government Investigates Rancher
The Federal Department of Labor, Division of Labor Standards heard about a rancher who was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
GOV’T AGENT: “I need to know all the people who work on your ranch and how much they're paid.”
RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
Oh, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”
GOV’T AGENT: “That's the one I need to talk to - the mentally challenged one - where's he?”
RANCHER: “Yer lookin at im.”
GOV’T AGENT: “I need to know all the people who work on your ranch and how much they're paid.”
RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
Oh, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”
GOV’T AGENT: “That's the one I need to talk to - the mentally challenged one - where's he?”
RANCHER: “Yer lookin at im.”
A newlywed couple wanted to join a church
The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for an entire month."
The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying, and the husband obviously was very depressed.
"You are back so soon… Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.
The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult; however, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.
The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. The third week, however was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible, or anything to keep our minds free of carnal thoughts. But one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I noticed that she didn't have panties on and I was overcome with lust and I had my way with her, right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome into our church," stated the pastor.
"We know," said the young man, hanging his head.
"We're not welcome at Lowe's anymore, either."